Top Perks of being over age 50

• No one expects you to run--anywhere.

• People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"

• People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

• There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

• Things you buy now won't wear out.

• You can eat dinner at 4 pm .

• You can live without sex, but not your glasses.

• You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

• You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

• You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

• You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

• You sing along with elevator music.

• Your eyes won't get much worse.

• Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

• Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

• Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

• Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

• And you notice these are all in BIG PRINT for your convenience.